Wednesday, July 22, 2009
"BREAK NA TAYO"
- James Martin, June 5,2009
.well that message ended all my fantasies. no explanation. no reasons. just a simple phrase after 56 days without hearing any word from him. he didn't even care if i missed him. didn't even ask how i was. didn't even mind if my mood was alright. after saying those three words, he logged out. all i can say is WOW. can't believe how the internet can help a relationship and how it can also break not only that relationship but how it can also break your whole life. with just three words that made up a phrase that brought a message that destroyed a woman's life. mine.
...after a month of not thinking about him, after a month of repressing those depressing thoughts at the back of my confused and torn apart mind, i get another chance to talk(or chat) with this guy and he asks "Can we still be friends?"
haha! friend your face!
...yeah i didn't like to say that...
what i really wanted to tell him was..
"honey i miss you so much. alam ko hindi ikaw ung ngsabi nun..alam ko hindi p tau break..alam ko mahal mo ko...and i stll love you..a lot...so much...i just want this to be fixed. i just want us to be ok..i love you very much and i dying to be with you again. i just want to know how are you...do you miss me too?"
..but no..
i can't tell him that..
.......when he asked me if we could still be friends, i figured that he really is the one who broke up with me..not his mom..not anybody else.. james..my beloved and ever faithful boyfriend, the one who i entrusted my life, my heart ...broke up with me. ..
....honestly, this whole day, i was really enjoying myself. i had a lot of fun with my bestfriends. but then i read something in the internet..about my horoscope for July 24th...which was supposed to be our 45th monthsary... and it read something like this...
The long-distance travel bug hasn't just landed in your vicinity, it's set up shop in your imagination, igniting an insatiable urge to get to that place you've always wanted to see. So at the moment, getting there is the most important thing in the world to you. Fortunately, you know where and when to go, and exactly the right person to take along with you. Now, pack. And pack lots of red and black.
..yeah i know...horocopes aren't true. but i believe in them...
...and this reading i think is telling me that he is coming back.
that james is coming home.
...but i really am scared..
why?
3. what if it never happens? wht if he doesn't come back? then my disappointment will just be overwheling and it would just add up to the things i am trying my hardest to forget. if only i could have an amnesia so that i could forget all those painful memories.
2. what if james does come back, yet, he's just going to put a closure to our relationship..? if we still have any...
1. worst. what if james does come back? come to me. but has another woman. that he just wants to show me who he's with just like how he introduced me to his ex girlfriends.
...well that would put a cherry on top of what im feeling right now...
....i just hope none of these three fears will be true..
...because up to now..
i am still hoping that we will be together again..
that he still loves me..
that he's still mine..
that im still his..
:(
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