brOken doLL

Hindi komo nasaktan ka ay dapat ka nang sumuko sa pag-ibig. Sabi nga nila, marami pang iba dyan, there are many fishes in the sea, pag may nawala, may papalit na better kaysa sa nauna. Pero hindi ganun kadali tanggapin ang pagkabigo. Masakit. Mahirap. Unang-una sa lahat, ang hirap tanggapin na ang taong minahal mo ng buong puso mo, ng buong pagkatao mo, na halos ibigay mo na pati ang kaluluwa mo, eh iiwanan ka lang ng gnun. Na sa kabila ng paglaban mo, sa kabila ng lahat ng paghihintay mo, lahat ng pag-asa mo, eh mauuwi lang pala sa wala. Na bandang huli, sasaktan ka rin nya. Bibitawan na tila isang laruan na pinagsawaan na.

Siguro'y akala nya ay bato ko. Na noong una, nagandahan siya kaya nya ito pinulot. Ang iba kasi'y tinapakan lang ang batong yaon. Tinapakan, inihagis, sinipa. Pero nang siya ang makakita, pinulot nya iyon at inalagaan. Nahiwagaan siya sa bato. Ordinaryo man, naramdaman nya na espesyal ang batong ito. Minahal nya ang ordinaryong bato. Pero ang nanay nya, nagulat. Bakit daw nagdala ng bato ang anak nya. basura lang iyan ika ng nanay nya. Inutusan siya ng nanay nya na itapon ang bato. Ipinaglaban nya iyon. Ngunit sa bandang huli, nagsawa rin sya at itinapon ang bato. Bumagsak ang bato mula sa pagkakahawak nito. Nalaglag ang bato at lumagapak sa lupa. Hindi na ito pinansin ng bata. Iniwan ang bato. Umulan, bumagyo, lumindol. Ngunit hindi na ito pinansin ng bata. Naiwan ang bato at wala nang pumansin.

Hindi naisip ng bata na ang batong iyon ay may damdamin din. May puso. Nakakaramdam ng kaligayahan, nagmamahal at nasasaktan. Sa pinagsamahan ng bata at ng bato, natutunang mahalin ng bato ang bata. Minahal nya ito ng tapat. Ng buong puso, ng buong pagkatao. Hindi malaman ng bato kung bakit siya binitawan ng bata. Alam nya, mahal din siya ng bata. Mahal na mahal. Pero di nya lubos maisip na nagawa itong bitawan ng batang ito. Minsa'y naisip nya, siguro'y napagod na ito sa paglaban. Naisip siguro ng bata na wala ng patutunguhan ang pagaalaga nya sa isang bato na wala namang nararamdaman. NAisip siguro ng bata na bato naman siya, ang bato hindi nasasaktan. Hindi nakakaramdam. Matigas ito at hindi basta-basta masisira. Kung sabagay, marami nang tumapak dito, marami nang sumipa, naghagis pero hindi natinag ang bato. Siguro'y pag iniwan nya ito, pag binitawan, walang mangyayari. Dahil sanay na sa unos ang bato. Ngunit ang hindi nya alam, na ang batong ito, ang batong nasipa, nahagis, at tinapakan ng marami, ang batong hindi natitinag, ang batong napaka tigas, ang totoo, ito'y durog na. Na ang batong ito ay buo at matigas sa labas ngunit durog durog na sa loob. Wala ng makakabuo. Dahil walang makabasag sa panlabas na shell ng batong ito.

Nang iwan ng bata ang bato, buo ang shell nito. May mga gasgas mula sa dating karanasan ngunit buo ito at matigas. Pero habang tumatagal, hindi na nakita ng bata na ang batong matigas ay unit-unting nadurog. Unti-unti nabasag ang shell nito. Unti-unti nasira. At hindi na nakita ng bata ang pangyayaring ito. Buong akala ng bata ay buo pa rin ang kanyang bato. Hindi nya nakita at hindi nya alam, wasak na ang batong ito. Durog na. At walang nagmalasakit na buuin muli ito dahil sonrang durog na. Ang bato ay humalo na sa buhangin na nakakalat sa daan. Buhangin na wala ng pumapansin. Buhangin na normal na lang nakikita.

Ang batong ito ay naglaho na. Isa na siyang buhangin.

Ngunit ang batong naging buhangin, ay hindi pa rin sumusuko. Hinihintay nya ang isang lalaking hindi na isip bata. Isang lalaking sasalukin ang buhangin na ito at gagawing semento. Isang semento na makakagawa ng isang magandang bahay o daan.

I have learned many lessons in life.

especially in LOVE.

yeah..I think the greatest lesson I've learned is:

..I have learned that lesson..but i haven't put it in action.

I don't know how to love without giving my all..I always end up broken...with nothing to hold on to... Let's see how my love life worked and broke from the start..

>HINDI NAGING KAMI

>pero minahal ko

>kaptbahay ko xa dati

>close friend before he found out that I had feelings for him

>been in love with him for 3 or 5years I think.

LESSON: "Never become a bridge between two lovers. Especially when you love the other."

..yes.. believe it or not but i did love him that long..what hurt the most is that I knew how he loves a girl but that girl was never me. How did I know?Because he became the boyfriend of my niece. And I was the bridge between them. I was always the one doing him a favor, helping him court my own niece. They got together and I was left alone crying. And whenever they fight, it was always me who helps him and I am always the one he runs to whenever he needs to cry because of her. It hurt me so much but I loved him so much that I didn't want to leave him alone. The problem is, everytime they make up, he would always blame me for making them fight even though I am not doing anthing wrong. if he only knew how much it hurts me everytime he cries because of her.

Oh yeah.. Mavs and my niece didn't end up together. Maverick now has a girlfriend(or wife) and they already have a baby.. Who looked a lot like Maverick :)

>HINDI NAGING KAME

>Kuya Clark "kuya"

>4th year xa, 1st year hs aq

>close friend always kausap sa phone

LESSON:

"Open your eyes because love isn't blind."

haha... anyway, kuya clark is a schoolmate of mine. He's really fun to be with, very mature, very funny and sweet. One thing I have mistaken is that, I thought he loved me. But it was already late when I realized that what he felt for me is just a "sisterly love." And the one he really really loves at that time was my bestfriend. Ouch. They hid it from me for a long time and it became the root of so many fight between me and my bestfriend. But in the end, I raised the white flag because I don't want to lose my bestfriend because of a guy. In the end I let them free.. And I saw how happy they were and that made me happy too..

..Kuya Clark is now a college graduate. My bestfriend and him aren't together now but they are friends. Kuya Clark and I are also friends now. :)

(sorry I don't have a picture of him)

>FIRST BOYFRIEND

>my honeybear (hb for short)

>a friend of my niece

>courted me for 5months

>officially my boyfriend on May 11, 2005

>broke up on July 17 2005

..We lasted for about 2months.. haha courtship is even longer. Well, Mark is a cool guy. He's funny, cute, a good dancer, loyal and he's the first one who loved me and proved to me that I was worth loving. That's why I fell in love with him. For the first time, I knew that someone loved me. Because I feel that I am ugly and nobody would dare love a girl who is ugly like me. But he did. And he was proud that I was his girl. And I liked that. The only problem is, when we were together, he changed. He didn't show me the care I was looking for. He wasn't sweet. For example, I would tell him "Honeybear, I love you..." and he would answer, "Ako din." For the whole two months that we were together, He never told me that phrase "I love you." And he even accused me and his bestfriend of having an affair behind his back. And that pissed me off. Then I broke up with him. He didn't even show up on our second monthsary. "Inindian na ko."

And when we broke up, he didn't even run after me.. He left for States and after that, I never heard from him again. :(

>SECOND BOYFRIEND

>my dadhie..dhie..then became my bebe :)
>no official date kung kailan naging kame.

>number daw namin is 24 (July)

>we broke up din without official date..but I think mid-september un..

>he was my first kiss and ...

LESSON:

"An angel may turn into a monster too."

Yes, Paul..haha he's a good guy. He's a good son, a very caring partner, demanding too. Very sweet. We started only pretending to be together to make Mark jealous. But the pretending ended up in reality. We fell in love. At first he didn't like to be romantically involved with me because he said all his previous girlfriends ened up being hurt by him. And he told me:

Syempre kinilig naman ako dun. I also love him a lot that time. Well, who wouldn't? Paul is very very very very very handsome. He's the "makalaglag panty type of guy." haha And add the sweetness with those looks. He's suplado but he's very sweet. I really loved him. He was my first kiss. *kilig* I can still remember that night when we kissed. I really felt his heart beating loudly on his chest and when I asked him "bakit ang lakas ng tibok ng puso mo?" He answered: "Syempre mahal kita eh." waaaaaaaaaahhhh...

You may ask, what went wrong with us? Well, this is what happened. Paul was an angel for me. But after that kiss, the nightmare began. He started asking for more. He just changed. He wanted sex. And I couldn't give him that yet. But he was pushy. So i had to break up with him because I we were not working anymore. He just changed. His feelings changed. He started not minding me. Stopped talking to me. So I broke up with him. Because I knew it was going that way already. It would end up that way. So I finished it.

Now, Paul and I are still friends. We still talk to each other and we friends :)

>JAMES

>my babie .. my honey.. tisoy ko..gorgeous..yatot ko..yatz.. mahal ko..asawa ko..honey koh..

>Oct.24 2005 - officially naging kame

>June 5, 2009 - broke up

LESSON:

"Loving means letting go."

Everyone of my friends know James. Maybe not personally but if they know Dolly, they know James. He's the only reason of my happiness and one of the reasons of my agony. He's my life. And now I'm dead. I'm a zombie. I'm existing. not Living. I still love this guy. And I can't talk abou him yet. I thought I could do this but I can't.

hai... here's the summary.

We don't have any problem except the wicked witch(his mom) who is doing everything she could to separate us. Unfortunately, we lost. He couldn't fight for me. So he broke up with me. But I still love him up to now.

Well.. the question now is... will I ever be able to love again?